सूचना
OFFICIAL NOTICE: this is satire. The jokes are ours. Every number belongs to Parliament, the courts or the government's own gazette, which is where the real comedy gets written.◆Solo press conferences by the PM in India since 26 May 2014: zero. This ticker answers more questions than he does, and it cannot speak.◆Press freedom rank: 157 of 180, below Pakistan, Bangladesh and Bhutan (RSF, 2026). Congratulations to the 156 countries whose journalists still annoy their governments.◆One proprietor, 70+ outlets, 800 million Indians reached. RSF's file on him: “a close friend of the prime minister”. Your news, brought to you by the friendship.◆48+ paper leaks, 16 states, 1.51 crore young applicants. The state set the papers; the counting had to be outsourced to the Indian Express.◆The washing machine (alleged): 25 leaders crossed over carrying cases, 23 came out spotless. The manufacturer denies the machine exists. Production continues.◆E20: your petrol is one-fifth ethanol, your bill is five-fifths petrol. The missing mileage has been reclassified as patriotism.◆Ram Mandir donation box: ₹3 crore missing per the trust's treasurer, ₹200 crore per Kejriwal. Two courts declined a CBI probe. An opposition land file gets the ED by breakfast.◆This website does not accept electoral bonds. Partly on principle, partly because the Supreme Court struck them down as unconstitutional. Mostly the principle.◆The PM's photograph appears on this website in keeping with its policy of appearing everywhere else.◆An RTI must be answered in 30 days. Press conferences carry no such deadline. Or occurrence.◆
Watching the Chowkidar

The world's largest democracy is now rated an electoral autocracy.

Not our words. That is the audit: V-Dem Democracy Report 2026, the same verdict every year since 2021.

Freedom House moved India from Free to Partly Free in 2021 and never moved the folder back. The EIU logged one of the sharpest democracy declines on Earth this year. This website exists to argue with the trendline, in writing, with sources.

National streak, defended daily

4,400+

days

without one unscripted question answered at home. Not a single solo press conference in India since 26 May 2014. Find another elected leader with this discipline. We waited. The record only grew.

प्रश्न पटल पर रखें ↓आपकी ख़बर का मालिक कौन ↓
Official portrait of Prime Minister Narendra Modi, wearing the ribbon for the national no-questions streak
12 years. Zero press conferences at home. Still undefeated.चित्र: PMO · GODL-India

Field report and report card

Annexure A. Field report, July 2026

They teargassed the kids at Jantar Mantar

20 July 2026. Students marched on Parliament asking for exams that do not leak. The reply was lathis, tear gas, an internet shutdown around Parliament, and five closed metro stations for good measure. Hospital sources counted over a hundred injured protesters; around seventy were detained. The Chief Justice had already compared unemployed youth to cockroaches, so the movement took the insult as its name.

Source: Business Standard, 20.07.2026ThePrint from Jantar Mantar, 21.07.2026Wikipedia: 2026 Delhi Jantar Mantar protests

The watchdog is on the payroll

India stands 157th of 180 for press freedom, in the category RSF labels 'very serious', for violence against journalists, concentrated media ownership and outlets politically aligned with the government. Pakistan stands four places higher. The channels will not be covering any of this. You have seen who owns them.

Source: RSF World Press Freedom Index 2026

The report card

Every number below is someone else's audit: V-Dem, RSF, Access Now, Freedom House, Transparency International. We only added the tone.

100 / 179

Rank, Liberal Democracy Index

"World's largest democracy" sold separately.

Source: V-Dem 2025, via The Wire

157 / 180

Rank, World Press Freedom Index

Category: very serious. Pakistan is 153rd. Read that again.

Source: RSF 2026, via The Wire

920 / 2,102

India's share of every internet shutdown on Earth since 2016

65 in 2025, the most among democracies. Myanmar finally took the overall title; it took a junta to do it.

Source: Access Now 2025 report, via Business StandardThe Wire's ten takeaways

50 / 100

Internet freedom score, filed under Partly Free

Falling since 2017. The connection drops whenever the questions start.

Source: Freedom on the Net 2025, via The Wire

Free → Partly Free

Freedom House status since 2021

Downgraded once, renewed five times. The folder never moved back.

Source: Freedom in the World 2026: IndiaDeccan Herald on the 2021 downgrade

39 / 100

Corruption score, against a world average of 42

Highest bribery rate in Asia: 39% of surveyed public-service users paid extra. The receipts, as ever, are unavailable.

Source: Transparency International CPI 2025Global Corruption Barometer Asia 2020

The issue register

Annexure B · Issues on the record

The Issues. The Questions. Your Turn.

The report card is upstairs. These are the nine subjects it flunked, sources stapled, questions pre-drafted. The one thing we could not staple is a voice. Attach yours.

Delivery attempts · 3 failed · 1 pending

The Prime Minister's press room

Vacant since 26.05.2014

Mangoes Only

Prime time, all 393 channels

Ownership papers in Annexure C

Spine Not Found

Parliament, Question Hour

Debate sought since 2024

Adjourned Amid Din

Forwarded to: you

140 crore co-signatories available

Your Desk Now
★ 1F. No. SI/Q1/PRESSER-NIL

Ask: प्रधानमंत्री कार्यालय

भारत का सबसे साहसी व्यक्ति एक प्रश्न नहीं ले सकता

  • 12 years in office. Solo press conferences on Indian soil: zero.
  • Abroad: two questions per summit, pre-screened like visa applications.
  • Oslo, May 2026: asked on camera why. Walked off. Asked again. Walked off again.

The questions, in plain language

  • When does India get one unscripted question, on Indian soil, from an Indian journalist?
  • Akshay Kumar's mango question got a warm answer. What did he clear that 393 news channels cannot?
  • We will supply the room, the microphone and the question in advance. What is still missing?
Post on X
6 प्रदर्श8 स्रोतफ़ाइल खोलिए
★ 2F. No. SI/Q2/NEET-NO-RESIGNATION

Ask: केंद्रीय शिक्षा मंत्री एवं राष्ट्रीय परीक्षा एजेंसी

शिक्षा मंत्री की कुर्सी के सिवा सब कुछ लीक हो जाता है

  • NEET-UG 2026: cancelled, referred to the CBI. Nearly 20 lakh students re-sat it.
  • More than a dozen aspirants died in the weeks after. No condolence, no ex-gratia, no resignation.
  • The agency's chief was moved to the Ministry of Steel. Not sacked. Reassigned.

The questions, in plain language

  • Name one person held accountable for NEET 2026. Not transferred. Accountable.
  • 48 paper leaks in five years. What number triggers a resignation?
  • Where is the point-wise public tracker for the Radhakrishnan committee's 101 recommendations?
Post on X
11 प्रदर्श32 स्रोतफ़ाइल खोलिए
★ 3F. No. SI/Q3/RINSE-REPEAT

Ask: केंद्रीय एजेंसियाँ एवं सत्तारूढ़ दल

मुक़दमा बंद कराने का सबसे तेज़ तरीक़ा है पार्टी में शामिल हो जाना

  • 25 politicians under CBI or ED probes joined the ruling party. 23 got relief.
  • 95% of the ED's political cases since 2014 target the opposition.
  • Ten years, 193 ED cases against politicians: 2 convictions, 0 acquittals.

The questions, in plain language

  • Why do cases fall asleep the day the accused crosses over, and never the day he leaves?
  • 193 cases, 2 convictions, 0 acquittals in ten years. Is that incompetence, or is it the design?
Post on X
6 प्रदर्श10 स्रोतफ़ाइल खोलिए
★ 4F. No. SI/Q4/E20-FULL-PRICE

Ask: पेट्रोलियम एवं सड़क परिवहन मंत्रालय

सरकार ने आपका पेट्रोल पतला किया और बचत अपने पास रख ली

  • Petrol is now one-fifth ethanol, mandated nationwide. Nobody asked the 23 crore vehicle owners.
  • Mileage down 3 to 5% by the government's own numbers. Pump price down exactly 0%.
  • The ethanol costs more per litre than the petrol it dilutes.

The questions, in plain language

  • Mileage fell, the price did not. Who kept the difference?
  • The forex savings reached ₹1.97 lakh crore. Which rupee of it reached the pump?
  • Why is the government contesting a PIL that asks only for a label saying what is in the fuel?
Post on X
6 प्रदर्श14 स्रोतफ़ाइल खोलिए
★ 5F. No. SI/Q5/DONATION-BOX

Ask: मंदिर ट्रस्ट, UP सरकार एवं वह दल जो भगवान राम के नाम पर प्रचार करता है

वोट भगवान राम के नाम पर जीते, पर उनकी दान-पेटी के जवाब नहीं

  • Cash missing from the donation box. Estimates run ₹3 crore to ₹200 crore, sixty-six-fold apart.
  • Eight bank counting staff arrested. Two trustees resigned the day after the FIR.
  • Two courts declined a CBI probe. The Supreme Court reconstituted the SIT instead. Next hearing 27 July 2026.

The questions, in plain language

  • Why does an opposition leader's land file summon the ED faster than Lord Ram's own donation box?
  • How much is actually missing? The estimates are sixty-six-fold apart. Publish the audited number.
Post on X
6 प्रदर्श9 स्रोतफ़ाइल खोलिए
★ 6F. No. SI/Q6/WHO-CARES

Ask: The Prime Minister's Office & the Trustees of PM CARES

The Fund That Cares Deeply About Its Own Privacy

  • ₹3,076 crore in its first five days. In court: “not a Government of India fund”. On the website: the national emblem.
  • No CAG audit. A no-tender private auditor whose head promotes government schemes on Doordarshan.
  • Last published accounts: FY 2022-23, uploaded 21 months late, minus the auditor's notes. FY24, FY25: nothing.

The questions, in plain language

  • If PM CARES is not a Government of India fund, what is it doing with the national emblem on a gov.in domain?
  • Where are the FY 2023-24 and FY 2024-25 audited statements?
  • Why can the CAG audit a village panchayat but not the Prime Minister's own relief fund?
Post on X
8 प्रदर्श25 स्रोतफ़ाइल खोलिए
★ 7F. No. SI/Q7/ONE-NATION-TWO-BUYERS

Ask: The Government of India & Its Two Most Successful Citizens

One Nation, Two Buyers, Everything Must Go

  • 2019: all six privatised airports to Adani, zero airport experience. NITI Aayog and the DEA objected in writing. Overruled.
  • Mumbai airport changed hands weeks after CBI and ED cases hit its owner. NDTV changed hands after raids; the case closed once Adani owned it.
  • Top 1% wealth share: 40.1%. The World Inequality Lab's verdict: the Billionaire Raj is more unequal than the British one.

The questions, in plain language

  • Six airports, zero experience, two written objections overruled. Who overruled them, and on what file?
  • GVK: CBI FIR in June, ED case in July, airport to Adani in August. Explain the calendar.
  • A statutory commission says consent for Hasdeo mining was forged. Why do the clearances still stand?
Post on X
8 प्रदर्श39 स्रोतफ़ाइल खोलिए
★ 8F. No. SI/Q8/CHANDA-DO-DHANDA-LO

Ask: The Ministry of Finance & the Party That Banked the Bonds

Unconstitutional, Said the Court. Non-Refundable, Said the Party.

  • ₹16,518 crore in anonymous bonds. The ruling party's share: ₹8,251.75 crore, 50.03%.
  • The RBI warned of money laundering. Reply: the Finance Bill is already printed. The ECI called it retrograde. Notified anyway.
  • Struck down unanimously as unconstitutional in Feb 2024. Recoveries, prosecutions, SIT since: zero.

The questions, in plain language

  • The scheme was unconstitutional. The money stays, the favours stay, nobody answers. What exactly got struck down?
  • India's biggest political donor bought ₹100 crore of bonds five days after the ED attached its assets. Explain the timing.
  • Why did a state-owned bank need a contempt warning to release data it kept in one ledger?
Post on X
7 प्रदर्श24 स्रोतफ़ाइल खोलिए
★ 9F. No. SI/Q9/AIRPLANE-MODE

Ask: The Ministries of Home Affairs & Communications, and Every Officer With the Switch

World Champion of the Off Switch, Six Years Running

  • World No. 1 in internet shutdowns, 2018 to 2023. Now No. 2, behind a military junta. Still first among democracies.
  • Kashmir: 552 days. Manipur: 212 days. Punjab: 27 million people switched off to catch one man.
  • SFLC's tracker: 927 shutdowns and counting. Entire states go offline so an exam paper will not leak.

The questions, in plain language

  • Digital India runs rations, wages and UPI through the internet. Who compensates the daily-wager marked absent when you switch it off?
  • The Supreme Court ordered every suspension order published, in January 2020. Where are they?
  • Under which law is exam cheating a public emergency?
Post on X
8 प्रदर्श29 स्रोतफ़ाइल खोलिए

Supplementaries welcome

These nine are not the whole list. They are the format.

Pegasus. Demonetisation. The Rafale file. Manipur. The judges who spoke and the one who got a Rajya Sabha seat. Take an issue, staple the sources, ask in writing. The register accepts new files.

समाचार का मालिक कौन

अनुलग्नक ग · चौथा स्तंभ

आपकी ख़बर बिकी हुई है

You have never heard these files read out at 9 PM. That is not an accident. The watchdog was purchased. Receipts below.

प्रदर्श: राष्ट्रीय टेलीविज़न की एक शाम, मूल पैकिंग समेत ज़ब्त
लाइवGODI-1 HDप्राइम टाइम · ठीक 9 बजे

157 / 180

India's press freedom rank, out of 180. RSF World Press Freedom Index 2026.

Below Pakistan (153). Below Bangladesh (152). Read that again.

“2014 से मीडिया के लिए एक अघोषित आपातकाल।”

RSF, भारतीय प्रेस की दशा पर

“‘गोदी मीडिया’ का उभार: वे संस्थान जो लोकलुभावनवाद और BJP-समर्थक प्रचार को घोल देते हैं।”

RSF की आधिकारिक भारत रिपोर्ट। उन्हीं के शब्द, जस के तस छपे।

The government calls the index “misinformed, propaganda-driven and unscientific”. The scoreboard: 150 in 2022, 159 in 2024, 157 in 2026. A decade of noise is a policy.

ब्रेकिंग
ब्रेकिंग: देश जानना चाहता है कि देश को क्यों नहीं पता◆आज की बहस: क्या सवाल पूछना देश-विरोधी है? हमारे छह पैनलिस्ट एकमत: हाँ◆एक्सक्लूसिव: एंकर ने विपक्ष पर 43 मिनट चीख़कर उसे पत्रकारिता बता दिया◆प्रेस कॉन्फ्रेंस-प्रतीक्षा, वर्ष 12: पैनल ने मौन को “निर्णायक, दूरदर्शी” पाया◆आम वाला एक्सक्लूसिव लगातार नौवीं गर्मियों में पुनः प्रसारित◆प्रायोजित: यह आक्रोश आप तक पहुँचा रहा है विज्ञापन-बजट मंत्रालय◆

The ownership papers

70+

Outlets. One proprietor. 800 million reached.

Reliance controls Network18 and JioStar. RSF calls Ambani “a close friend of the prime minister”. The auditor's words, not ours.

Source: RSF India country report

2022

The year the last holdout was bought.

Adani took NDTV in a hostile takeover. Ravish Kumar resigned within days. RSF filed it as “the end of pluralism in the mainstream media”.

Source: RSF India country reportAdani interview, Financial Times, 2023

No. 1

Advertiser on TV news: the Government of India.

Your taxes buy the ad break. The ad break buys the tone. Compliant channels eat, critical ones starve.

Source: RSF India country report

393

Licensed news channels.

Prime time hours spent on the files above: zero. Three hundred and ninety-three newsrooms, not one spine between them.

Source: MIB reply in the Rajya Sabha

पत्रकारिता कहाँ गई

Ravish Kumar coined “Godi media”. Won the Magsaysay for giving “voice to the voiceless”. Off air within days of the takeover.

The Wire, Scroll, Newslaundry, The News Minute: the watchdogs did not stop barking. They were evicted to YouTube.

Notice who is no longer on TV. Go find out why.

प्रश्न, अभिलेख के लिए

सेवा में: प्राइम टाइम के मालिक और संपादक

Point us to one prime time hour since 2014, any channel, spent on the files above. One hour, out of roughly fifty thousand. Until it airs, the questions upstairs are yours to ask.

प्रसारित नहीं · कोई स्लॉट नहीं मिला

सदन की नियमावली

अनुलग्नक घ · सदन की नियमावली

ये प्रश्न कैसे बनते हैं

वैधानिक स्थिति ही निर्णायक चर है। ऊपर का हर दावा इन्हीं रजिस्टरों में से ठीक एक में दर्ज है।

अभिलेख पर

संसद के उत्तर, न्यायालयीन अभिलेख, पुलिस चार्जशीट, प्रकाशित सूचकांक, सरकार के अपने विधेयक और अधिसूचनाएँ। आँकड़े हमारे नहीं। उन्हीं के।

नस्ती में दर्ज: 0 प्रेस कॉन्फ्रेंस · 48+ लीक · 193 → 2 · 180 में से 157 (RSF)

न्यायाधीन

कोई न्यायालय या जाँच इस पर बैठी है। हम वाद-सूची बताते हैं, फ़ैसला नहीं।

नस्ती में दर्ज: E20 PIL (SC) · the Ram Mandir SIT · Narada prosecution sanction, pending for years

आरोपित · आरोपकर्ता नामित

किसी का आरोप, आरोप लगाने वाले का नाम सहित, हवाला नत्थी, और खंडन उसी पर चिपका। हम पूछते हैं; दोषी नहीं ठहराते।

नस्ती में दर्ज: the washing machine (Congress) · the Gadkari question (denied) · the melted-gold question (under SIT examination)

टिप्पणी

अभिमत और व्यंग्य, वास्तविक और उद्धरण-योग्य उदाहरणों से बँधे। यह इस वेबसाइट के लहजे का रजिस्टर है, उसके आँकड़ों का कभी नहीं।

नस्ती में दर्ज: “एकालाप द्वारा जवाबदेही” · “माइक्रोफ़ोन शोभा-मात्र है” · “गोदी मीडिया”, जिसने यह शब्द गढ़ा उसी की ज़ुबानी

हम आरोपों को निष्कर्षों में पदोन्नत नहीं करते, न निष्कर्षों को माहौल में। वह सेवा हर रात नौ बजे प्रसारित होती है।

नस्ती-नीति: जवाबदेही गठबंधन-निरपेक्ष है। आज के प्रश्न सत्तासीन सरकार को संबोधित हैं क्योंकि वह सत्ता में है; अभिलेखागार हर उस दल के विरुद्ध नस्ती खोलता है जिसके पास कोषाध्यक्ष है। किसी भी मंत्रालय या न्यूज़रूम का कोई भी उत्तर पूर्ण रूप में, बिना संपादन, सबसे ऊपर प्रकाशित किया जाएगा।

Application for being a citizen

Annexure E · For immediate action

Form 19(1)(a): Application for Being a Citizen

Democracy is not a spectator sport; it comes with paperwork. Six fields, five minutes each. The podium has had twelve years; you will be faster.

01

Field

File an RTI

₹10 to interrogate the state, reply mandated within 30 days. The press retired from asking in 2014; the law never did.

rtionline.gov.in ↗

02

Field

Find your name on the rolls

The roll revision dropped 65 lakh names from Bihar's draft alone, then toured 12 more states. Check your family's entries before a clerk decides you emigrated. Or died.

voters.eci.gov.in ↗

03

Field

Read your neta's sworn affidavit

Cases, assets and debts, declared under oath and compiled by ADR. The one manifesto they cannot edit after filing.

myneta.info ↗

04

Field

Make your MP table it

Question Hour is televised, and any question on this page can be put in it, free of charge. You pay the salary; the attendance register is public too.

sansad.in ↗

05

Field

Film the cheating, live

cVIGIL sends your GPS-stamped video straight to the Election Commission, response clocked at 100 minutes. The fastest any arm of the state will ever answer you.

cvigil.eci.gov.in ↗

06

Field

Pay the evicted watchdogs

The journalists who kept asking were evicted to YouTube. A subscription costs less than a movie ticket, and it makes you the customer instead of the product.

The roster, Annexure C ↑